The following was presented at the Northeast Regional Forum, Mars, PA, June 3, 2017.

Extending the Hand of A.A. to the Newcomer

The newcomer, for this presentation, is a person at their first A.A. meeting. Extending the hand of A.A. to them is an all-encompassing process that is based on the principals in our Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions and which requires a coordinated effort of all the home group members. It does not start at the meeting room door with the greeters handshake and a smile. It begins with the home group members and sponsors never losing sight of our primary purpose. At our group conscience meetings or at a group inventory, we can ask: Are we doing all we can to welcome the newcomer? And the follow-up. What can we do better?

I could take the remainder of my time reviewing a list of suggestions that groups do to help welcome the newcomer. Our literature has that valuable information, which is a distillation of the shared wisdom and experience of many groups. It would make a good homework assignment for you or your home group. Here, I am going to supplement that knowledge by speaking from my recent experiences with welcoming the newcomer, as I was a greeter at my home group. I recognize that my experiences may not apply to your home group for a variety of reasons, so please take what you can use and leave the rest.

Let’s return to the front door. The greeter is a service position in a home group that is responsible for arriving early to a meeting and welcoming everyone. An additional responsibility, often overlooked, is to recognize who is a newcomer and to introduce them to some home group members before the meeting starts. If you were hosting a function at your home and welcomed someone at the door, and they did not know anyone, would you not take the time to introduce them to some of the other guests? What kind of host would you be if you didn’t. Not a very good one. We know the state of “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” that the newcomer is in because we were once in the same condition. In a sense, the newcomer is our future being born. Do we want them to sit alone and unrecognized, before the meeting begins?

Sometimes the greeter is someone early in recovery, in their first service commitment. If you have been around awhile it is relatively easy to recognize a newcomer. A greeter that is early in recovery, maybe not so much. In this case, members need to support the greeter. Some groups have written guidelines or a description of the responsibilities of a greeter. For other groups, the only guideline is the plaintive plea, heard at a meeting, “we need a greeter.” I ask you, which one has a better chance of recognizing a newcomer? I think that if there were droves of newcomers coming through the doors to our meetings it would be safe to say we would have a much more heighted sensitivity as to how they are welcomed. But instead, they come in less frequently, in ones or twos. And because we are human, we tend to fall into the routine of what we always do at meetings. The setting up of the room, sponsors and sponsee’s conversing, someone helping another alcoholic or simply relaxing with a cup of coffee and enjoying the easy-going congeniality of the fellowship. It would be unreasonable to expect trusted servants to be on their toes always in anticipation of the arrival of a newcomer. In fact, it would be counter-productive because it is unnatural. However, when the greeter recognizes a newcomer and introduces them to a home group member, or members, they can stop what they are doing and completely focus on carrying out our primary purpose.

I am not here to tell you how to extend the hand of A.A. at this critical juncture. We all do the A.A. way through the prism of our own recovery and sobriety. However, from my experience, I can offer two suggestions, that I think apply, found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 7 Working With Others: “At first engage in general conversation” and “don’t start out being an evangelist or reformer.” Sometimes just keeping-it-simple by offering a cup of coffee is all the extending of the hand to the newcomer you need to do. Less can be more. Our shared experience has found that greeters or members that are overbearing can make the newcomer feel uncomfortable and on the defensive.

Also, it helps me to keep in mind that the newcomer is a like a person entering a foreign land, where they do not understand its customs or the language. For example, we have open meetings and occasionally a newcomer identifies themselves as an addict. Our group conscience is that we don’t stop the meeting to school them on our primary purpose or to suggest that they are in the wrong fellowship. At the scene of an accident do EMTs treat only certain types of injuries? We know that there is a time and place to discuss this with a newcomer, thereby benefiting the group and the individual’s recovery. When it applies we refer to another fellowship which can save their life. In addition, our group is committed to providing a safe environment for all members, including newcomers. Unsafe behavior is handled in an appropriate manner.

During the meeting, we ask if there is anyone new to A.A. Together we vocalize a warm welcome to the newcomer. Some groups offer a 24- hour chip or coin. Our shared experience is that the newcomer should feel welcome to participate but should not become the focus of the meeting.

When the meeting has ended, two or three of the group members can ask the newcomer if they have any questions. A meeting list, a pamphlet or two, and some of the member’s phone numbers can be sufficient take home information for them. Information overload, we have found, can intimidate the newcomer. We don’t expect the newcomer to grasp a comprehensive understanding of the disease of alcoholism and the A.A. program of recovery at their first meeting. There may be an opportunity for the “meeting after the meeting.” In any case, we thank them for coming and invite them to return.

We know from our experience that the hand of A.A., that was extend to us when we were a newcomer is life-saving. It can lift a person out of the living hell of active alcoholism into a sober life that is “happy, joyous and free.” It’s a powerful hand – a power greater than ourselves.